Have you ever looked forward to something? I am sure that as kids we all remember looking forward to our birthday or to Christmas. Sometimes the feeling of anticipation is almost overwhelming! You want time to pass as quickly as possible so the day you want to happen more than anything will come. You probably have even had a calender that you cross the days off and excitement mounts as the days between the present and the anticipated get fewer and fewer. As we grow older, the anticipated days are more significant. We look forward to things such as graduation, that first date with the person we have been wanting to get to know, our wedding day.
But never have I felt anticipation quite as strongly as I have during the last few weeks before a baby is born. It is a different anticipation because I don't know the exact day I am looking forward to, I just know that it is sometime very soon. I wake in the morning wondering if it will be today, or maybe tomorrow. For 9 months I have carried this tiny perfect human under my heart. He has caused me much sickness and many sleepless nights, and now the desire I have to meet him is almost unbearable! I feel his little feet kicking my side and I can't wait to touch those feet and watch those little legs finally get to stretch out without hitting resistance every time they try. I want to know if he has blond hair like his oldest brother, or dark hair like his younger brother. I can't wait to find out just what personality God has given him! But as much as I want to meet this little man, I have to admit some of the anticipation is purely selfish as well. I am excited to not have a little head pushing up against my bladder constantly. I want to be able to wrestle with my other boys again without having to stop because I am having yet another contraction. I want to walk without pains shooting down my legs and my entire pelvic area hurting. I want to be able to sleep at night again (I know some of you are thinking this is crazy because once the baby is born I won't be sleeping much, but at least I will be able to sleep when I get the chance!)
But for now, I just have to be content to wait and anticipate. The day will come, be it tomorrow or 2 weeks from now. So while I wait, I will stay busy and try to keep my mind off what I know is coming. And because I am a crazy and sometimes neurotic person, what I do while I am waiting is clean! Now I know that some of you are shocked out of your minds to find this out about me. In the last several weeks I have completely rearranged Tyler's room and made it into Tyler and Weston's room. I have washed all the windows (because I know my newborn will not be completely happy unless he can see out clean windows:-), cleaned the entire house at least once a week including scrubbing the tub and cleaning the refrigerator, cleaned the office (this only happens once in a great while since it is mostly Sean's domain and therefore a very scary place for me! I usually throw something away that I shouldn't have or put something somewhere where he can't find it when he NEEDS IT NOW!!!), and do all my laundry every day. I am not kidding you. You probably won't find any dirty laundry in my house after mid-day. And I have plans to clean the van. I have had to save it to make sure I have something to do next week since in all reality I will probably still be waiting!
I have not been quite this intense in my cleaning or nesting with the other two kids. Yes, I did feel the need to have things at least cleaned up and certainly to have everything ready for the baby, but not to the point that I would clean the windows or the office for that matter! But I plan to have this baby at home and that seems to be what is making the difference. I know this is crazy, but I don't want my midwife here if my house is messy. I want to be completely prepared and organized so that no one is running around trying to find something when they should be able to relax and enjoy this birth. I don't want anyone asking me questions when it is all I can do to concentrate through each contraction. And I certainly don't want to bathe my newborn in a bathtub that is not sparkling:-) So we will see what this 38th week holds for this slightly (or maybe more than slightly) obsessive mom living in a constant state of intense anticipation!
3 comments:
The title of your post sort of looks like "constipation" if you look at it quickly.
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Oh he will be here soon! Haha, I have actually been thinking a lot about offering to clean your house for you (since we offer often for other pregnant ladies), but to be honest I don't think it really works with you! Haha, for 1) you will miss out on an opportunity to get your contractions going, 2) we'd have to come every day! Let me know if I'm wrong though, then we'll arrange a pampering session right away while we clean for you. :)
That's so funny, because I had thought offering to do similar things - including detailing your van for you . . .but I know what it is to want to do something and then not get to do it (I feel a little bad since I depended so much on you and others while I was pregnant and after - I have nothing to offer you!), so unless you change your mind, I'll let you do it. But do know that I would be happy to do anything for you that you need! : )
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